One of the biggest takeaways from my Montessori training course way back in 2004-05 was the concept of benign neglect. Benign neglect describes the moment when we are just hands-off enough to give our children the space, time and freedom necessary for exploration, curiosity and learning -  without it being unsafe in any way. Our lecturer gave an example of a little baby she had seen on the bus several days prior. The baby's mom was sitting with her baby on her lap, deep in thought staring out the window, and while the mother zoned out, her baby leaned forward and starting mouthing the pole just in front of their seat. Germophobes might not consider this benign neglect, but a baby's way of understanding the world is to put things in their mouth, something adults are always stopping them from doing. Most of the time, this is necessary and protects the child from choking or other harm. But in this case, without the mom's interference, the baby was able to explore and learn and it probably did not result in any harm later. Make sense?

For the last two or three months, I have had so many moms at work, or school pick-up, or at the park ask me which camps and activities we've signed our kids up for this summer. Without fail they all gasp when I reply that we haven't signed them up for any! Even other couples who are both in education and therefore are both home all summer long are amazed that we don't have our kids fully booked. "Everything is filling up!" they say, "August will be smoky and you don't want to be stuck at home entertaining your kids!" is another popular one. "Kids get so bored in the summer - save yourself!" is another common refrain.

Usually I keep my mouth shut, because I don't want to be that "Montessori mom" who deprives her children in other people's eyes, but finally I just said to a mom last week that I want my kids to be bored in the summer. She looked a little concerned, so I went on to explain that children need to have huge chunks of unstructured, unscheduled time during which adults are not facilitating and dictating their every move, or activity, or idea. This boredom is the only way a child human being can learn to listen to the whispers of intrinsic motivation inside their own brain and soul and begin to discover their own interests. Research on Theta brainwaves, the state that our minds enter into when we're meditating, or in flow, shows that children from 0-7 are almost constantly in a Theta state in their brains. That means this is the most powerful time in one's life to discover and learn and get to know oneself, a task made impossible by too much adult interference and direction.

In the photo above, J had taken Coco and Theo on a hike and set up the hammock. He lay in the hammock and read a book while Coco and Theo found themselves with nothing to do. As frequent recipients of benign neglect, they got down to business without prompting and concocted a game of sticks and twigs that, while incomprehensible to any adult within earshot, was riveting and compelling to them. They focused their full attention on their game and had a great time for nearly an hour until it was time to go and J snapped this photo.

In the article, "Why Free Play is the Best Summer School," from the June 2014 issue of The Atlantic, author Jessica Lahey writes,

Unscheduled, unsupervised, playtime is one of the most valuable educational opportunities we give our children. It is fertile ground; the place where children strengthen social bonds, build emotional maturity, develop cognitive skills, and shore up their physical health.

I could not agree more. In interviews, David Lynch often credits his early childhood in Spokane, which was filled with wandering around the Ponderosas, daydreaming, as a huge source of his creativity. And he has devoted himself to transcendental meditation, which mimics the Theta brain state of early childhood, boosting creativity and imagination. This is not a coincidence.

It's not always easy to provide this beneficial boredom for children. Sometimes on the weekends, once J and I are up and have turned off the television and confiscated the iPad (parents have got to sleep, you know?!;) Coco and Theo will whine and moan and gripe that they have nothing to do. We acknowledge that it's true that they have nothing to do and then suggest that they find something to do. Sometimes the whining goes on for a long time. It feels like forever because it's hard to listen to and really annoying. But we stay the course! It's a matter of staying consistent and forcing them to push through the boredom and into flow. They find flow in drawing and clay, puttering around the garden, Legos, and blocks. Theo is a huge fan of walking around the backyard singing and looking up at the trees. Coco gets completely absorbed in dollhouse play. And once, when she was a baby, she played with a single blade of grass with such intensity and focus for over half an hour.

This is not to say that we don't do things together, like bake cookies, or watch movies, or dye Easter eggs with our kids. We do. In those activities, we are the adults in charge, facilitating and directing our children. But I definitely do not see it as my job to do those things all the time, or to keep my children entertained. Quite the opposite! This summer, my children will be bored, and it will be good for them.

What's your approach to summer - free play and boredom, or scheduled and planned-out activities? Why do you do summer the way you do?

I have this gorgeous photo of Zurich as the wallpaper on my monitors at work. My two favorite parts about it are the archway in the pink building, lower right, that I've walked through so many times. And the little tiny dock on the river in front of the large salmon colored building on the opposite bank, more or less in the center of the photo. The other day, my friend Kate posted a photo in her stories taken from that dock, showing the church towers from which this photo was taken. It made me laugh to think that I was up in the church tower waving down to her since I’ve grown so accustomed to looking at this view every day. ;) Lately I've been missing Zurich terribly. I'm enjoying Spokane and springtime and lilacs (and the lack of hayfever!) but I still miss Zurich. I really did leave my heart there.

Do you have any big plans this weekend? An outdoor pizza party we were invited to has been rescheduled due to the insane rainstorm that came through yesterday. I have never seen rain like that in the Northwest! It was on the same level as rains that caused flash flooding the summer I was in Maryland finishing up my Masters before I moved to Switzerland the first time. So, in the absence of a pizza party, I think we're going to clean all day tomorrow and make Pavlova and do a movie night!

I hope you have a brilliant weekend, and here are some links for you.

Please vote for Swiss Lark in this blog contest! And thank you to whoever nominated me. :)

A comical look at the flooding down the hill from our house. Ha!! (I love it when I see the Spokane Boat Car;)

The perfect rainy weekend recipe.

I tried this exfoliating treatment mask last night and loved it! More in my Insta stories.

Such sad news for the climbing world, and Spokane.

Although houseplants grow and require care, they are neither as demanding nor as costly as pets or children.

Motherhood. (Read her original caption - link might transport you to the middle of the comments:)

This.

I kinda think we might need to do this...

LOL!

See you back here next week!

but you also probably over-share a teensy bit less. Also you probably have slightly better taste in music. To know what you narrowly escaped on either side, embark on this sensory reproduction of the life of Gen X and read true millennial Caity Weaver's experience of living in 1994.

As much as I do not like being called a Millennial (let alone a really old Millennial), I am totally fine with what the New York Times dubs an Xennial. They explain that "Like water on the rock," life has worn us Xennials down. We're not fully mired in existential angst like the Gen-Xers, but this also isn't our first rodeo. Caustic and ironic both sound good to me! As does being "a smidge more practical and a smidge less idealistic." I would say I "over-share a teensy bit less" and "have slightly better taste in music." Key word being slightly. We'll get to that;)

I know so many people born in 1978 and 1979 who are so boastful and proud of not being Millennials. But I'm over here writing my blog and doing tons of Instagram stories, and saying things like "totes" and I cannot deny that I am really, unabashedly in love with many a Justin Bieber (and Katy Perry) song. So how can I deny that I am an Xennial - or just a really old Millennial?! Oof.

Since posting the photo of my computer screen (seems like more of a Gen-X move than Millennial move to take a photo of a screen, don't you think?) on my Instagram stories (definitely a Millennial move!) I got a bunch of DMs from proud friends who scored as Gen-X adjacent, not Xennial. I felt a tinge of jealousy. I mean, come on! I had the cK one ad I had torn from a magazine hanging on my bedroom wall in the 90s. I actually still have that Sony phone that was used in the first photo of the quiz! I had The Bangles "Eternal Flame" on a cassingle, and I still love Temple of the Dog. I went to Lollapalooza for goodness sake!

Naturally, I did what any anxiety-ridden Millennial would do, and I went back and re-took the quiz, changing the one answer that I was on the fence about. Did they mean my parent's and my childhood best friend's current phone numbers? Or, did they mean do I remember my childhood best friend's number from childhood?! Because I do remember Katie and Sinead's childhood numbers. I'm pretty sure Kate's parents (she gave up Katie after college;) still have that number. If they still have a landline, which maybe they do - or don't. Hmmm, they did move a couple years ago...But! The point is that that one answer pushed me into Gen-X Adjacent territory and I was free to wave the Gen-X flag loud and proud!

Except that I wasn't. Because I do not, and never did, have the number for Poison Control memorized. Does remembering Mr. Yuck stickers count?! Can you young Millennials remember those?! Take a look - and while you're there, notice how easy that Poison Control number is. Also, apparently it's Mr. Yuk (no c) and should I be concerned that we're not using these with our own kids?! Hashtag Xennial.

Sigh. There's no denying that I really am just an old Millennial. Have you taken the quiz? Share your results in the comments below. And by all means, feel free to boast and brag. I'll console myself by double-screening, doing Instagram stories in front of Seinfeld on Hulu later. I would call them Seinfeld re-runs except I never saw the first run! It's all new to me. LOL! Like I said to my sister at the very beginning, the struggle is real.

At the Wilson Carnival, Theo won a fish! Well, he didn’t really win a fish, but he tried so hard - twice! - to win a fish that a girl who did win a fish and felt sorry for him gave him her fish. (Later I learned that was a very smart move on her part, but for the moment, we were so excited to have a new fish!) We got that fish home, aptly named “Goldie” by Theo, and for the first couple of nights, put him in a big wide water pitcher. He seemed happy enough and the kids fed him a little pinch of the goldfish food he had come with each morning. Friends assured me that having a filtered tank was a must given the level of muck and yuck and goldfish produce, and they were right! So the kids and I took off to Petco one day and got a little tiny tank. We also bought more goldfish food; and a little net for catching the fish; and gravel for the bottom; and a rock decoration thingy with fake plants attached. And by the time we had gotten out of there, we had spent way more money than seems reasonable on a two-inch fish. But, sigh. Such is life.

No sooner did we get Goldie into his (her? Coco was convinced Goldie was a girl) tank than Goldie died. Okay, it took about a day, during which Goldie was acting very strange and basically just sitting on the bottom of the tank. The day she died, we found her sucked up against the filter, not moving. I had noticed that her skin looked fuzzy the day before. It seemed odd for her skin to be fuzzy and I knew she was going south, but I hoped for the best anyway. It did not end well. Rather than replace her before the kids could notice, J and I opted to embrace the teachable moment. Coco was excited about burying or flushing her and was not one bit phased. The lesson for her was to be compassionate and sympathetic toward Theo, who was crestfallen. Theo wept and cried and even worried that perhaps Goldie had died because he had given her/him too much food. What?! Never mind, I just let that go in the moment and hugged him. He would burst into tears at random moments and literally sob for a few seconds. It was at once touching, endearing, and so so sad to see him so upset.

Following Goldie’s watery burial down the toilet, I replaced all the water in the tank and left it to filter for a few days before Coco and I went to get more fish last weekend. Can I just take a moment to say that the people who work in Petco are ridiculously knowledgeable and passionate about fish? We decided against a betta (they just sit there) and also against another goldfish (they get humongous and produce way too much yuck) and we got a couple of guppies instead! Guppies are darling little fish who swim about actively and are brightly colored and don’t get any larger than an inch or two. Theo named his guppy Seashell and Coco named hers Violet. Guppies don’t produce a ton of gunk, which makes them easy to care for, and best of all, they eat goldfish food. At that point, we had a big container of goldfish food of which we had only used a pinch or two. Perfect!

Except that Seashell and Violet died too! They went to same way Goldie did. It took about two days, starting first with fuzzy skin, then acting weird and hanging out at the bottom of the tank. Then we found them both sucked up against the filter intake this morning. Theo and Coco were a little bummed out, but then went about their usual games. “I guess we can just get a dog now!” chirped Theo as he ran off to the basement to play camping. But I was ticked off. What a ripoff! I rifled through the car console and house looking for the receipt for the tank and all the accoutrements, but I never found it. I put the tank with the dead fish down in the utility sink and decided that this time we’ll bury them after school in the backyard.

I honestly don’t know what to do. Should I buy more guppies and ask the Petco people what’s wrong with the tank set up? Or just go back in there, receipt be damned, and get my money back and forget the idea of having a pet for now? Or should we just fill the tank with water, but not have any fish? During the days between Goldie and the guppies, I noticed that it’s actually pretty cute and decorative all on its own.

I consoled Theo when he was distraught over Goldie by telling him all about my own Goldie. When I was in kindergarten, I also won a goldfish (or maybe was given one) at the Wilson carnival! My Goldie also only lived for two or three days. I remember feeding Goldie and then using a spoon to stir her round and round and round in her fish bowl! Watching her spin around in the whirlpool I created never got old. I can only imagine how miserable life was for my Goldie. Honestly, it was probably a relief for her when she passed on.

There was just one last thing I was curious about - how had Theo managed “to pet” his own Goldie? I overheard him telling Coco about Goldie’s slippery skin and how he missed petting her. Oh dear! But, in the end, considering Seashell and Violet went the same way, I think we can rest assured it was not Theo’s fault.

Have you had fish die on you? Any secrets or insights to share? Please let me know in the comments below.

Every time I go on a trip, if at all possible, I buy a Dan Brown book. Go ahead. Laugh out loud. Gasp! Judge me in your head. I do not care. You can give me a little credit here because I did call it a book, not a novel. But before you write me off and get all judgey, let me tell you that I will be the happiest person on that beach.

Do you know how I describe Dan Brown books? I say they're like chips for your brain. You know the feeling when you open a bag of chips and you start chomping on them and they're just so yummy and crunchy, and if you've chosen well then they have that crack salt all over them and you're just like, more, more, more?! Well, that my friends is your brain on a Dan Brown book. It's unadulterated, page-flipping goodness and if you've read any Dan Brown at all (no, watching the movies does not count) then you know you secretly love it, just like you love Justin Bieber but pretend that you don't.

Well, pretend no more! I have no shame. I ordered Dan Brown's latest, Origin, which I have been saving for a special occasion involving air travel such as this one, and I cannot wait to read it. It arrived yesterday afternoon, and I have to say that it was a total game changer for me. I was beginning to completely freak out over leaving the kids behind. I've been losing sleep and imagining the worst. But when I held that Dan Brown paperback in my hands, our trip flashed before my eyes and I remembered how totally awesome and good for us this is going to be.

On the way there, sans children, our first flight is a 45-minute Horizon Air flight, which offers free Northwest beer or wine to all passengers. That will be the ideal way to give a toast and kick off the celebration of not only my little brother's epic wedding, but also our first vacation since having kids! Then, after a layover in Seattle, we'll be on a red-eye to Miami and I will be taking an Ambien and checking out, because again, no children. Already this trip sounds like a trip to the spa.

Once we arrive, it will be an ungodly hour on the west coast, but with no children in tow, it will be easy to get ourselves to our hotel, check our luggage if the early check-in my brother's wedding planner requested isn't available, and then go grab some breakfast. No car seats, no crying. After breakfast, I figure we'll head down to the beach if our room still isn't available.

It shall be there, on my beach chair, that I open and begin my Dan Brown novel book. I'm so excited to get reacquainted with Robert Langdon and his attractive, smart young female protege, and learn some obscure historical art facts and read at a furious pace and flip the pages as fast as I can. There will be no children to interrupt me, or to want things like lunch or dinner. None of that! I'm going to be reading Dan Brown on the beach, in the warm sun, uninterrupted. Total ecstasy. Later on, I will read Dan Brown on our private ocean-view balcony. Either will do! Did I mention how badly we've needed a break? I'm so ready.

In conclusion, Dan Brown forever. Be looking for that hashtag in my Instagram posts and stories! ;) And does anyone know when Dan intends to publish his next book? I've not come up with anything in my Google searches. But he does have a Masterclass. Eeek! Should I take it?! Probably not.

Tell me your favorite Dan Brown book in the comments below. Do not even think about criticizing him. Brain chips, remember?! Books, not novels. Writing, not literature. Just to get things started, I will say that I think Da Vinci Code and Inferno are my favorites. But it's so hard to pick just one! Angels and Demons was so good, too. And The Lost Symbol. But, Paris! I'm sticking with Da Vinci Code.

Are you an out-in-the-open Dan Brown lover; or a closeted fan? You can always comment as "anonymous" if the latter.

(Photo via Hyatt Hotels)

February and March are the weirdest time of year. So I'm keeping myself going by dreaming of summer days with strawberries and rose water vanilla whipped cream. Life has been so busy and demanding lately that I haven't even really been able to get excited about Miami. But, in ten days, J and I will be in the sun and I've never needed it more!

I hope you're up to something good this weekend, and here are some links for you:

9 of the Best Alternative European Cities

A must-listen!

Do you believe in psychics?

These dinner pancakes look amazing.

The Power of No.

How gorgeous is this Swedish summerhouse?

Have better conversations.

I need to try this snail ampoule ASAP!

When you mix AI and storytelling.

LOL.

I hope your weekend is a good one! See you back here soon, my lovelies.

(Strawberry illustration via Tracey English/Pinterest)

Are you guys watching Derry Girls?! It is one of the most hilarious, compelling, and original series I have ever seen. I love it for so many reasons. Obviously, given my time spent there as a child and as a student, I love that it's set in Ireland. That scenery! I also adore it for the Irish humor, which is irreverent and dry and surprising every time. And the music is top notch with truly excellent editing that adds a lot of depth and texture.

The show follows 16-year-old Erin Quinn and her group of friends in Catholic high school in Northern Ireland during the 90s (read: The Troubles.) But the fact that there are bomb threats and armed bus checks on the way to school doesn't take away from the hilarity of the show one bit - at least, not so far. J and I literally find ourselves doubling over laughing and I actually laughed so hard I cried in one episode. Derry Girls is outrageous in the best possible way. I love the Catholic school and angle, the show's writers have finessed the art of poking fun at the many quirks and idiosyncrasies of Catholicism and Catholic school in the most accurate and laugh out loud way! It's a delight to watch. We're about half way through the first season on Netflix and I cannot recommend it enough. The second season is airing now in Ireland and the UK, so hopefully it will come to the US soon after.

What shows are you watching right now? We don't (and can't with how busy we are) watch TV every night these days, but I do love an evening of wearing comfy clothes and zoning out on the couch. Isn't being an adult and parent so sexy?! ;) Let me know if you're watching Derry Girls and why you love it (or don't) and hit me up with your show recommendations in the comments below.

(Photo via RadioTimes)

I am so ready for spring! Even though the snow is ridiculously beautiful and we're in a veritable snow-globe-winter-wonderland, I am so over it. Spokane got over 30 inches (76 centimeters!) of snow in February. I just want to wear a pair of ballet flats and jeans. You cannot walk through 2 1/2 feet of snow in ballet flats, and even if you could, you'd slip on the ice everywhere. Not to mention the 7 Fahrenheit (-14 Celsius) temps when we walk out to the car in the morning. The cold would freeze your feet into little ice stumps. So, needless to say, this photo is like a dream to me! Speaking of, J had a dream the other night that he woke up and went outside and there was green grass all around. It was so real, he woke up and ran to the window and then he was totally disappointed. But. It was light outside until nearly 6pm today, so it's coming! Spring is coming. Thank goodness.

And here are a few links for your weekend:

Snowiest February since 1894.

Man gets arrested for epic IKEA store prank.

Best pillow for back sleepers ever!

Cool Instagram vacation idea. (It's not what you think;)

LOL!

Spring travel goals.

Workism is making Americans miserable.

Do your kids love with The Runaway Bunny? If so this McSweeney's re-write will have you in stitches.

Ditch your phone and un-break your brain.

Eight Dates (Can't wait to read this!)

I've been so jealous that spring has sprung in Zurich, but then my friend Nina reminded me that along with Zurich spring, she has Zurich allergies and I do not miss those. So there is a silver lining to everything! Even eternal winter. Hrmm. Have a great weekend and see you back here soon!

(Photo via Sugar/Tumblr)

J and I leave for Miami in one month! I just ordered this swimsuit, which is a total mom suit with "compression" but also looks super hot, so I'm excited to get it. It comes in dozens of color combos, and solids, but deep greens and navy are my colors. I feel like this suit was made for me - and my mummy tummy compression needs.
 
We are deep in the joy of anticipating our vacation (remember this article?) and it's surreal to see the Miami forecast for swimsuit weather on my phone each morning and then look out the window and see a foot of snow all around! I cannot wait for a dose of sunshine. I'm also increasingly nervous because this will be the first time we've been away from Coco and Theo for more than an overnight. Speaking of travel, I actually wound up cancelling my trip to Zurich last month because starting in late October, Theo was just more attached to me than usual. It made my mom hairs stand on end and I could not see how 12 days apart would possibly work.

I did not feel good about putting him, or J, in that position. And, really, I didn't want to put myself in that position because when you're that far away, you're completely powerless to help should the need arise, and I'm sure in my heart of hearts that it would have been hard for him. So I didn't go. That was at once a huge disappointment, and a total relief, too. I was so sad to cancel, but then once I had done it, I realized that I wasn't really ready to go to Zurich just then. My poor heart is still so tender when it comes to missing Zurich, and yet, I've begun to find a sense of normalcy and stability and comfort here for the very first time since we repatriated in 2014. I can imagine that going to Zurich a few weeks ago might have knocked me off balance and made it harder for me to be present and to enjoy my current life. And that would be a shame, because life is pretty dreamy lately, and something I would not want to miss out on because I'm distracted by comparing it to something else.

More soon.

Photo via Summersalt.