Wednesday, August 22, 2012

On Change

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said, "Nothing endures but change," and he was so right. There are many big changes afoot around here.

Two women in my mommy group are pregnant again!
The seasons are changing from summer to fall.
Our beloved neighbors are moving.
Coco is becoming more of a toddler and less of a baby.
J and I are no longer "new parents" anymore.
I am becoming tired of the international travel that goes along with living abroad.

I wish things didn't have to change right now, because I love the way they are. But they're changing. I'm excited to see my two friends families growing again so soon, but it also intimidates me because I can't even imagine being pregnant right now. 

Even though it's ridiculously hot, I love summer and I don't want it to end and give way to cold, dark winter days. Not yet! 

Losing our neighbors is going to be the most awful change I've experienced in ages. We see them daily and spend lots of time together. They're more than friends, they're like family and now they're going to be much further away. It was so incredible this past year. When we came home from the hospital, they gave us so much emotional support, answered questions, offered shoulders to cry on and fed us. A lot. We would go upstairs in our slippers for dinner with our swaddled newborn! Our children have grown together this past year and I am just so sad to see it come to an end. But, change endures. 

Watching our little baby grow into a little girl is so fascinating, amazing and wonderful. But it's bittersweet. Sometimes, when she's just finished nursing and fallen asleep in my arms, I look at her wispy curls and rosy face and I wish she could stay little forever. Not really, of course. I want her to walk and talk and share what she's thinking about with us. But I try to capture those moments so that I can hold onto them forever because life is so impossibly sweet with a baby. It's just so hard to let it go. 

Now that my body has mostly returned to normal and I'm not pregnant or caring for a newborn, I feel like I've crossed over the threshold from "new parent" to plain old "parent." It's the same for J. We're no longer the newbies in the game of parenthood. We are just part of the club and it's a little hard to leave the novelty and newness behind for this usual status quo.  

The reality of living abroad with a young family has finally settled in now that we are nearly eleven months on since Coco's birth. I need to book a ticket to go back to the States to see family with Coco soon, but for some reason I keep putting it off. It's hard to decide about Christmas, and if I go at another time, it's hard to be away from J for a long time. It's such a long trip that anything less than three weeks is too short, but being away from J and our home for a month is a terribly long time! 

So for the last five minutes of today, I just want to hold onto things the way they are. Tomorrow, I think I'll be ready to forge a path into the change ahead, but for now I'm not quite ready.

2 comments:

  1. Isn't it amazing this feeling of slight resistance to the change that is such a constant around and within us? I totally feel this too and have to be always reminding myself to just be in the moment at hand, which actually encompasses neither change nor constancy...thus also a bit uncomfortable. So interesting...

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    Replies
    1. It is amazing! Heraclitus was actually talking mostly about the universe and its continual growth. How's that for food for thought? ;) xo

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