Tomorrow we're celebrating Coco's 5th birthday with a party down at the children's museum. Five feels like a big one. Thanks to this loving girl, I have been a mama for five years! Coco is acting so grown up these days. I'm so proud of her. She is ever the treasure of my heart.
I spent the whole day baking these pink cakes for her and then, after she and Theo were asleep, I started going through old photos and now I'm a blubbering mess crying at my computer. She should still be this little. I should still be able to stroke those dark hairs on her temple and marvel at her creamy, soft, smooth skin. Those tiny little fingers. That sweet nose and determined brow. Those round, kissable cheeks. I miss her as a baby so much. Even when she still was a baby, I was already missing her eventually not being a baby.
And now I'm here. She is a little girl and I marvel at all she is and all the things she says. All the ways she's growing and changing. And I anticipate missing these days. These days when she still comes into our bed at night and still wants to snuggle and still wants to sit on my lap and read stories and tells me everything about her day.
Sometimes motherhood just hurts. I shared it once before, but this poem, published on Momfilter in 2012, sums it up perfectly. Since I was already crying, I went ahead and read it again and made it an all out sob fest over here. My baby girl's growing up way too fast!
I'm still looking for that pause button. But in the meantime, we just have to savor each moment as best we can. It feels like the moment you become a parent, someone hits the fast-forward button and it all starts to disappear in the rearview mirror. Life is so beautiful and fleeting. And now I'm off to go get Theo, who is crying for me, and to snuggle his sweet little self and savor his soft, pudgy arms and legs for a moment before I close my eyes and get some sleep. Goodnight! xo