What are your weekend plans? We have three parties this weekend - two kids' birthdays and one high school senior graduation! (I'm planning to do lots of yoga;) This week was such a sad one with Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. What really upsets me is to think of how many low-profile, normal people each of these celebrity suicides represents. Depression is endemic. Of course it's a mental health issue, but social isolation and the internet definitely don't help. Sigh. If you suspect someone you know is depressed or suicidal, call them, reach out to them, let them know that you see and that you care. It could make all the difference.
And here are some links for you:
Preventable tragedies.
Clever digital art. (The nail polish!)
This is my kind of breakfast.
Just ordered this book and cannot wait to read it!
8 reasons why living abroad will ruin your life.
LOL.
I do not believe that one can have too many striped dresses.
How stress affects the brain.
The best bandaids in the world. Yoga-proof!
I love these siblings' shared room.
Have a wonderful weekend! Next week is the last week of school and we are so ready for summer. I hope to see you back here Monday.
(Citrus photo via Pinterest)
I have always had a special place in my heart for Kate Spade. Her bags, as the New York Times said, "carried women into adulthood" and that was the case for me. Looking back on my college to adult life, Kate Spade was there for every big event. The first time I was pick-pocketed, it was a Kate Spade wallet they got. Ugh. The second time too! When J and I got married, we registered for Kate Spade china and vases, and this little dot rose bowl is still one of my favorite things ever. I had light green spray roses and eucalyptus in it on my nightstand just a couple weeks ago.
I love how Kate Spade items always say something surprising. Like on the box for the place setting of china, as you open the lid, inside the flap it says, "she sets the table with poise and purpose," and the inside of my Kate Spade phone case says, "LIVE COLORFULLY" which I tend to aim to do each and every day.
When I started my Montessori course, I got a Kate Spade pencil pouch which I still have and use and love. When I finished my first term teaching, I bought a Kate Spade purse. Huge milestone! When I got pregnant with Coco, the first thing I bought once the first trimester was over was a Kate Spade diaper bag.
I'm starting to realize that I have an embarrassing amount of Kate Spade stuff! Sunglasses, agenda, calendar, thank-you notes, phone cases. I have it all. And I love it all.
But it's not just the stuff that was so great about Kate Spade. Her style was iconic, yes, but she was also an inspiring person. Kate Spade's was probably the best episode ever of the podcast How I Built This. Her voice is so fun to listen to! She seems to be one of those people who just sailed along in life - without a care! The wind and waves just took her where she belonged and while she worked for it, it was also just her destiny. Her humble bravado (if that can be a thing) is so intoxicating!
How obviously untrue that assumption was. How horribly sad and unfair that she felt so alone in this world that she hanged herself today. What a sad, sad thing for her, for her family, for her young daughter. It ruined my day to hear it. Kate Spade has always and forever been one of my icons. I have no more words.
(Photo from Kate Spade h/t Oh Happy Day)
I hope you never have to send your toddler into surgery. On the one hand, Theo's surgery a few weeks ago was really hard (for me), and on the other hand, it was just like nothing really (more for him;) but nonetheless, I do think that some of the ways we prepared did make it easier on everyone.
If you find yourself with a child needing surgery, here are some tips for both toddler and parent to help prepare and have as good a surgery experience as possible.
Don't talk too much about it
Of course you know your child best, but in general, toddlers don't have a real grasp on time or abstract concepts like surgery. Because of this, it's not really possible for them to understand that one week from now, a doctor is going to take them away from their mama, give them shots (!) and cut them open for a good reason. I didn't talk with Theo about his surgery until two days before.
Keep it simple
When I did talk about Theo's surgery with him, I just said casually that Friday morning we were getting up early to go to see Dr. Chan to fix his owie.
Talk positively about the doctor
When we went for our pre-op consultation, I was so impressed at how well the pediatric surgeon, Dr. Chan, spoke to Theo. These people know what they are doing and our only job is to help our child trust them. Dr. Chan gave Theo a little toy as we left, so it was easy to bring up how nice Dr. Chan is, and how he is a daddy, and how we just like him so much over the ten days between consultation and procedure. I do think it made Theo happy to see him on the day of the surgery.
Bring your child's lovey or stuffy
Theo's favorite stuffed animal is "Blue" who Coco gave to him when we were still in the hospital after Theo was born. Blue is in all of Theo's first year photos and he chose to bring Blue along for the surgery. Blue was allowed to go into the operating room and stayed with Theo the whole time. It was oddly comforting for me to send a piece of home along and Theo loved having Blue there before and after. It really was a symbol of security and home.
Respect your partner's coping mechanisms
This was a really hard one for me. I was coming undone and couldn't stop imagining the lovely Dr. Chan coming out and telling me Theo didn't make it. Honestly! J on the other hand, was really calm and preferred not to talk about it. He looked me in the eye and said that hernia surgery is a completely routine procedure and there was nothing to worry about. True. But I still couldn't help thinking that he didn't care because he wasn't freaking out. Not true. Finally, a friend, who's been through hernia and appendectomy surgery with her son, said to me, "Look! It's not going to make your life any better if he is losing it. Not a bit! He's calm, and he's right, and it will be over soon." Point taken.
Get there a few minutes early
It's not fun to feel rushed. Nor is it fun to have the nurses taking vitals saying things like, "We need to get them into room 4 quick. They were late." Ugh. Speaking from experience, because even though we were on time, the elevators were slow, the check-in line was long and then for whatever reason, we were told to just sit in the waiting room for 10 minutes and then they checked us in. Maybe it was unavoidable? But if I do this again, I'll plan to arrive early instead of on time.
Bring cash
What is it with hospital parking lots only taking cash? And if you decide to get coffee, it's just easier than fumbling with a card when you're on edge.
Take along more than a few distractions
Obviously your smart phone will be a good friend during this process. I had a few friends who knew what was going on and they all texted me, a very welcome distraction. But I also brought a book, my laptop and my journal. I was so grateful for Instagram during the surgery. All of the comments and messages buoyed my spirits. You just want to keep your mind from imagining the worst!
Wait somewhere else
The waiting room is not a fun place. It is filled with frantic, worried families and the announcements over the loudspeaker like, "Code three pediatrics. We have a code three anesthesia in pediatrics" put me in a panic. They'll want you there toward the time your child will be finishing up, but until that last ten minutes, I went down to the atrium area near emergency. It was peaceful and empty and beautiful.
Let yourself cry - after your child has gone in
Regardless of how serious or potentially perilous (or just routine) your child's surgery is, it is bound to bring up a lot of emotions. Life is precious. Moments like a surgery remind us of that with striking force. But it's also really hard to see families checking in who are obviously not there for a routine, or even first surgery. Seeing that can bring up a lot of emotions too. So, stay positive and fill your child with confidence and send them in strong. Then go let it all out and have a good cry. You'll be glad you did.
Be prepared for a grumpy kid
The nurse who prepped Theo told me that waking up from anesthesia is like having a really bad hangover. He was appropriately grumpy.
And of course follow all of your doctor and hospital's instructions. Have you been through surgery with your child? What are your best tips?
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