Apparently, one of the litmus tests for being a real New Yorker is having cried while walking down the street. I have never openly cried while walking down a street anywhere, but here is something I do do: I cry in my car. The car is the perfect place to cry because you’re completely alone. This is not true, of course. You’re in your car! Any of the dozens of strangers all around you, either crossing the street, walking on the sidewalk, or driving in their own car literally right next to you, would see you if they happened to look your way. But the thing is, no one does look your way. Driving is one of the most isolating, lonely experiences a person has in the States. It’s one of, if not the thing, I hate the most as a repat. Now, I have discovered it has its silver lining in that the isolation and loneliness leaves you free to cry as you drive.
In Zurich, I would sometimes take a very quiet, solitary walk on the Hambergersteig, a steep footpath in the hills above our house whenever I needed to have a moment to catch my breath, hear myself think, or formulate something I was writing. This is one of the funny things about being a mom and living in a small apartment or house with your family, and also working and not really having a lot of time alone ever: It’s tough to find time to reflect and connect with yourself. The Hambergersteig had a balcony sort of landing, which opened up and jutted out from under the tree cover about half way up the winding path. There was a bench with a grand, sweeping view of the lake. It was the perfect place to sit and watch the boats go in and out on the Zurisee. I loved sitting there and thinking. It was so quiet and intimate. It would actually be the perfect place to go have a good cry.
But there is no Hambergersteig around here. These days, I’m so busy fulfilling one role or another all the time that whenever I’m alone driving that is my me time. Often I’ll listen to podcasts. Or just sit in silence and try to hear my own thoughts. But the last few days, I’ve been listening to my old favorite albums. Air Moon Safari, of course, and also Radiohead OK Computer, which is probably the best album of all time and truly a delight to listen to on a really good car stereo at really high volume. With the bizarrely frantic exhaustion that comes with the end of the school year looming, and finding my way to turning 40 this fall, and basically having some sort of weird mid-life thing going on, it turns out it’s is the perfect soundtrack for a good car cry, too. I can’t really say what I was crying about. Mostly I think I was just tired. I love that album, and it carries so many memories and moments for me and it was so cathartic and I felt so much better afterward.
How is life for you lately? Are you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed? Do you sometimes just need a good cry?
(Photo via Shop Style/Pinterest)
Have you heard of Visible? Okaaaaay then. I have so much to say (mostly bad!) about cell phone service and buying phones since getting back to the States.
Raise your hand if you miss the old model where you committed to two years of service with a provider, and then they gave you a phone at a deep discount, and everyone went on their merry way? Drrh. Those days are gone.
I seriously started losing my mind back in September when the new iPhones were released and I needed to replace my iPhone 6 like nobody's business. Once upon a time, I thought that that 6 would be the one and only phone I would own during my American sojourn. But, those dreams were dashed, and then I decided to go get another Masters degree, and here we are. I have a brand spanking new, expensive as heck, iPhone XS as of March.
But back in the fall, all of the providers were completely changing their phone selling structure and introducing these long term loans which meant you tacked on 30 or 40 bucks to your monthly bill, ultimately paying full price for the phone and then they simultaneously jacked all their rates around and we were generally going broke on cellular service. You know what I'm talking about.
We were with AT&T for sooooo long and one day, I set aside an hour and called their customer service to get some ideas of how we could lower our bill. The person I spoke to said we could go to a 6GB plan and save $15 per month, but somehow, when I got the next bill, it was a $5 increase and when I called to fix it, they said the old 12GB plan was not available, but for another $10 per month, I could step up to the 8GB plan. Seriously, WTF?! Could they not hear what they were actually saying to me? "Yeah, sorry, we can't do that, but you can pay more and get less?" Drrh!
As if that wasn't bad enough, the taxes and fees were so high and changing all the time. Side note: Do you read your phone bill? You should. AT&T said that we could purchase new phones at a discount through their loyalty program, but only if we switched to their unlimited plan, which was going to be something like $165 per month for our two lines before taxes and fees. Ultimately, I got so mad that I switched to Sprint, which basically does not work anywhere. I had to wave my phone above my head to send a text from my driveway, or stand on my bed to send a text from my bedroom, or press myself up against the window in the living room to make a call. Even after calling Sprint and updating the carrier settings on my phone, it just did not work.
Enter Visible.
One day, I was scrolling on Instagram while waiting in line at Trader Joe's, and I saw an ad for Visible. At that point, I knew a good phone plan when I saw one. In my humble opinion, here are the top 7 reasons you should ditch your current provider and switch to Visible right now.
- Unlimited talk, text and data for just $40 per month, taxes and fees included. No more guessing how much that auto debit will be. It's just $40 per month. Flat. Pay with PayPal, Venmo, bank transfer, debit card - your choice!
- No stores, no phone number. Visible uses all online customer service through chat, text and tweet and it's actually really nice to never have to
talk to anyonelisten to someone read off of a script. I get an immediate response every time I contact Visible and they are so helpful and basically bent over backward to make sure our phones arrived before we left for Miami. - Best of all, Visible uses the Verizon 4G LTE network, so it works everywhere. Even in Spokane, and that is saying a lot.
- You can bring your own device, or finance a new one with rates as low as 0% through Affirm.
- Keep your phone number!
- Get $20 off of your first month of service if you sign up though my referral link/code: tFcCF.
- And, you'll get a $200 MasterCard gift card for switching to Visible.
We have been soooo happy with Visible. I cannot even tell you. The $200 gift card arrives after you pay for your second month of service, so we got ours last week. I have no more dropped calls or failed texts now that we're on Visible. If I'm in a spot that doesn't have WiFi, I can use the personal hotspot on my phone to connect my iPad or laptop to the internet (something you can't do on the Sprint plan we had), and I am constantly streaming music, watching videos on YouTube, or listening to podcasts on the go with no issues!
I am not a Visible affiliate, and this is not a sponsored post. I just love Visible so much, and have been so happy to find them amid a world of crappy, overpriced mobile service, and I thought who knows, maybe you are looking for a new phone plan, too? :)
Now the other thing I'm disappointed with since repatriating is INTERNET. Our Swisscom internet/tv/phone bundle was SO fast and so affordable. I miss it. Any tips for me there? Thank you for reading my mobile phone saga, and definitely check out Visible and get your $200 MasterCard gift card and $20 off. You won't regret it!
(Image via Visible/Instagram)
Have you been to the Beaches at Normandy? As an American studying in France, that was one of the most memorable day trips we took during my semester abroad. The beaches are startlingly beautiful, and quiet, with memorials and old Nazi bunkers still standing. It was profound and sobering to stand there and think of the horrors of WWII. So much respect and gratitude to those, and all, in the armed services. I can't believe it's already Memorial Day Weekend. For those of you not in the US, this is a day of remembrance for service members who have passed away. My dad served in the US Navy during Vietnam, so we always go out to visit his grave on Memorial Day.
Aside from that, I am going to get a new podcast episode up Sunday, go for a pedicure, have a Mama-Coco afternoon, and get out this book and get started ahead of summer vacation! And, here are some interesting, fun and charming links for your weekend.
Warning: You'll never quite be the same after watching this music video.
Coco is old enough for my favorite childhood road trip staple! :)
How to find a lost cat. (Very cool!)
I just ordered this oil sunscreen and I can't wait for it to arrive! One reviewer says it's better than body lotion during the summer. Yassss.
Did you already listen?!
Prescribing play. (And boredom, in case you missed it)
Theo's favorite board game as of late.
Infinite cuteness.
So intense, imaginative and colorful. I'm swooning!
Maybe this will end the sunscreen battle with Coco? ;)
I hope your weekend is lovely and filled with remembrance of those you're missing, particularly former service members. See you back here next week!
(Photo of Omaha Beach, Normandy via Mark Wesley)
One of the biggest takeaways from my Montessori training course way back in 2004-05 was the concept of benign neglect. Benign neglect describes the moment when we are just hands-off enough to give our children the space, time and freedom necessary for exploration, curiosity and learning - without it being unsafe in any way. Our lecturer gave an example of a little baby she had seen on the bus several days prior. The baby's mom was sitting with her baby on her lap, deep in thought staring out the window, and while the mother zoned out, her baby leaned forward and starting mouthing the pole just in front of their seat. Germophobes might not consider this benign neglect, but a baby's way of understanding the world is to put things in their mouth, something adults are always stopping them from doing. Most of the time, this is necessary and protects the child from choking or other harm. But in this case, without the mom's interference, the baby was able to explore and learn and it probably did not result in any harm later. Make sense?
For the last two or three months, I have had so many moms at work, or school pick-up, or at the park ask me which camps and activities we've signed our kids up for this summer. Without fail they all gasp when I reply that we haven't signed them up for any! Even other couples who are both in education and therefore are both home all summer long are amazed that we don't have our kids fully booked. "Everything is filling up!" they say, "August will be smoky and you don't want to be stuck at home entertaining your kids!" is another popular one. "Kids get so bored in the summer - save yourself!" is another common refrain.
Usually I keep my mouth shut, because I don't want to be that "Montessori mom" who deprives her children in other people's eyes, but finally I just said to a mom last week that I want my kids to be bored in the summer. She looked a little concerned, so I went on to explain that children need to have huge chunks of unstructured, unscheduled time during which adults are not facilitating and dictating their every move, or activity, or idea. This boredom is the only way a child human being can learn to listen to the whispers of intrinsic motivation inside their own brain and soul and begin to discover their own interests. Research on Theta brainwaves, the state that our minds enter into when we're meditating, or in flow, shows that children from 0-7 are almost constantly in a Theta state in their brains. That means this is the most powerful time in one's life to discover and learn and get to know oneself, a task made impossible by too much adult interference and direction.
In the photo above, J had taken Coco and Theo on a hike and set up the hammock. He lay in the hammock and read a book while Coco and Theo found themselves with nothing to do. As frequent recipients of benign neglect, they got down to business without prompting and concocted a game of sticks and twigs that, while incomprehensible to any adult within earshot, was riveting and compelling to them. They focused their full attention on their game and had a great time for nearly an hour until it was time to go and J snapped this photo.
In the article, "Why Free Play is the Best Summer School," from the June 2014 issue of The Atlantic, author Jessica Lahey writes,
Unscheduled, unsupervised, playtime is one of the most valuable educational opportunities we give our children. It is fertile ground; the place where children strengthen social bonds, build emotional maturity, develop cognitive skills, and shore up their physical health.I could not agree more. In interviews, David Lynch often credits his early childhood in Spokane, which was filled with wandering around the Ponderosas, daydreaming, as a huge source of his creativity. And he has devoted himself to transcendental meditation, which mimics the Theta brain state of early childhood, boosting creativity and imagination. This is not a coincidence.
It's not always easy to provide this beneficial boredom for children. Sometimes on the weekends, once J and I are up and have turned off the television and confiscated the iPad (parents have got to sleep, you know?!;) Coco and Theo will whine and moan and gripe that they have nothing to do. We acknowledge that it's true that they have nothing to do and then suggest that they find something to do. Sometimes the whining goes on for a long time. It feels like forever because it's hard to listen to and really annoying. But we stay the course! It's a matter of staying consistent and forcing them to push through the boredom and into flow. They find flow in drawing and clay, puttering around the garden, Legos, and blocks. Theo is a huge fan of walking around the backyard singing and looking up at the trees. Coco gets completely absorbed in dollhouse play. And once, when she was a baby, she played with a single blade of grass with such intensity and focus for over half an hour.
This is not to say that we don't do things together, like bake cookies, or watch movies, or dye Easter eggs with our kids. We do. In those activities, we are the adults in charge, facilitating and directing our children. But I definitely do not see it as my job to do those things all the time, or to keep my children entertained. Quite the opposite! This summer, my children will be bored, and it will be good for them.
What's your approach to summer - free play and boredom, or scheduled and planned-out activities? Why do you do summer the way you do?
I have this gorgeous photo of Zurich as the wallpaper on my monitors at work. My two favorite parts about it are the archway in the pink building, lower right, that I've walked through so many times. And the little tiny dock on the river in front of the large salmon colored building on the opposite bank, more or less in the center of the photo. The other day, my friend Kate posted a photo in her stories taken from that dock, showing the church towers from which this photo was taken. It made me laugh to think that I was up in the church tower waving down to her since I’ve grown so accustomed to looking at this view every day. ;) Lately I've been missing Zurich terribly. I'm enjoying Spokane and springtime and lilacs (and the lack of hayfever!) but I still miss Zurich. I really did leave my heart there.
Do you have any big plans this weekend? An outdoor pizza party we were invited to has been rescheduled due to the insane rainstorm that came through yesterday. I have never seen rain like that in the Northwest! It was on the same level as rains that caused flash flooding the summer I was in Maryland finishing up my Masters before I moved to Switzerland the first time. So, in the absence of a pizza party, I think we're going to clean all day tomorrow and make Pavlova and do a movie night!
I hope you have a brilliant weekend, and here are some links for you.
Please vote for Swiss Lark in this blog contest! And thank you to whoever nominated me. :)
A comical look at the flooding down the hill from our house. Ha!! (I love it when I see the Spokane Boat Car;)
The perfect rainy weekend recipe.
I tried this exfoliating treatment mask last night and loved it! More in my Insta stories.
Such sad news for the climbing world, and Spokane.
Although houseplants grow and require care, they are neither as demanding nor as costly as pets or children.
Motherhood. (Read her original caption - link might transport you to the middle of the comments:)
This.
I kinda think we might need to do this...
LOL!
See you back here next week!
Yesterday, my sister (who is ten years older than me) texted me this screenshot, to which I replied, "The struggle is real!" Because it is! It's bad enough that I'm turning 40 this year, but now I'm expected to somehow come to terms with being a 40-year-old Millennial?! My sister wrote back, "You Xennial! We were just saying the other day that you are more of a millennial," which sort of made me cringe, but then again, maybe there's no use in hiding it anymore? So I took the plunge and completed the New York Times quiz, and to her I sent back this photo that I took of my computer screen:
The description went on to say
As much as I do not like being called a Millennial (let alone a really old Millennial), I am totally fine with what the New York Times dubs an Xennial. They explain that "Like water on the rock," life has worn us Xennials down. We're not fully mired in existential angst like the Gen-Xers, but this also isn't our first rodeo. Caustic and ironic both sound good to me! As does being "a smidge more practical and a smidge less idealistic." I would say I "over-share a teensy bit less" and "have slightly better taste in music." Key word being slightly. We'll get to that;)but you also probably over-share a teensy bit less. Also you probably have slightly better taste in music. To know what you narrowly escaped on either side, embark on this sensory reproduction of the life of Gen X and read true millennial Caity Weaver's experience of living in 1994.
I know so many people born in 1978 and 1979 who are so boastful and proud of not being Millennials. But I'm over here writing my blog and doing tons of Instagram stories, and saying things like "totes" and I cannot deny that I am really, unabashedly in love with many a Justin Bieber (and Katy Perry) song. So how can I deny that I am an Xennial - or just a really old Millennial?! Oof.
Since posting the photo of my computer screen (seems like more of a Gen-X move than Millennial move to take a photo of a screen, don't you think?) on my Instagram stories (definitely a Millennial move!) I got a bunch of DMs from proud friends who scored as Gen-X adjacent, not Xennial. I felt a tinge of jealousy. I mean, come on! I had the cK one ad I had torn from a magazine hanging on my bedroom wall in the 90s. I actually still have that Sony phone that was used in the first photo of the quiz! I had The Bangles "Eternal Flame" on a cassingle, and I still love Temple of the Dog. I went to Lollapalooza for goodness sake!
Naturally, I did what any anxiety-ridden Millennial would do, and I went back and re-took the quiz, changing the one answer that I was on the fence about. Did they mean my parent's and my childhood best friend's current phone numbers? Or, did they mean do I remember my childhood best friend's number from childhood?! Because I do remember Katie and Sinead's childhood numbers. I'm pretty sure Kate's parents (she gave up Katie after college;) still have that number. If they still have a landline, which maybe they do - or don't. Hmmm, they did move a couple years ago...But! The point is that that one answer pushed me into Gen-X Adjacent territory and I was free to wave the Gen-X flag loud and proud!
Except that I wasn't. Because I do not, and never did, have the number for Poison Control memorized. Does remembering Mr. Yuck stickers count?! Can you young Millennials remember those?! Take a look - and while you're there, notice how easy that Poison Control number is. Also, apparently it's Mr. Yuk (no c) and should I be concerned that we're not using these with our own kids?! Hashtag Xennial.
Sigh. There's no denying that I really am just an old Millennial. Have you taken the quiz? Share your results in the comments below. And by all means, feel free to boast and brag. I'll console myself by double-screening, doing Instagram stories in front of Seinfeld on Hulu later. I would call them Seinfeld re-runs except I never saw the first run! It's all new to me. LOL! Like I said to my sister at the very beginning, the struggle is real.
No sooner did we get Goldie into his (her? Coco was convinced Goldie was a girl) tank than Goldie died. Okay, it took about a day, during which Goldie was acting very strange and basically just sitting on the bottom of the tank. The day she died, we found her sucked up against the filter, not moving. I had noticed that her skin looked fuzzy the day before. It seemed odd for her skin to be fuzzy and I knew she was going south, but I hoped for the best anyway. It did not end well. Rather than replace her before the kids could notice, J and I opted to embrace the teachable moment. Coco was excited about burying or flushing her and was not one bit phased. The lesson for her was to be compassionate and sympathetic toward Theo, who was crestfallen. Theo wept and cried and even worried that perhaps Goldie had died because he had given her/him too much food. What?! Never mind, I just let that go in the moment and hugged him. He would burst into tears at random moments and literally sob for a few seconds. It was at once touching, endearing, and so so sad to see him so upset.
Following Goldie’s watery burial down the toilet, I replaced all the water in the tank and left it to filter for a few days before Coco and I went to get more fish last weekend. Can I just take a moment to say that the people who work in Petco are ridiculously knowledgeable and passionate about fish? We decided against a betta (they just sit there) and also against another goldfish (they get humongous and produce way too much yuck) and we got a couple of guppies instead! Guppies are darling little fish who swim about actively and are brightly colored and don’t get any larger than an inch or two. Theo named his guppy Seashell and Coco named hers Violet. Guppies don’t produce a ton of gunk, which makes them easy to care for, and best of all, they eat goldfish food. At that point, we had a big container of goldfish food of which we had only used a pinch or two. Perfect!
Except that Seashell and Violet died too! They went to same way Goldie did. It took about two days, starting first with fuzzy skin, then acting weird and hanging out at the bottom of the tank. Then we found them both sucked up against the filter intake this morning. Theo and Coco were a little bummed out, but then went about their usual games. “I guess we can just get a dog now!” chirped Theo as he ran off to the basement to play camping. But I was ticked off. What a ripoff! I rifled through the car console and house looking for the receipt for the tank and all the accoutrements, but I never found it. I put the tank with the dead fish down in the utility sink and decided that this time we’ll bury them after school in the backyard.
I honestly don’t know what to do. Should I buy more guppies and ask the Petco people what’s wrong with the tank set up? Or just go back in there, receipt be damned, and get my money back and forget the idea of having a pet for now? Or should we just fill the tank with water, but not have any fish? During the days between Goldie and the guppies, I noticed that it’s actually pretty cute and decorative all on its own.
I consoled Theo when he was distraught over Goldie by telling him all about my own Goldie. When I was in kindergarten, I also won a goldfish (or maybe was given one) at the Wilson carnival! My Goldie also only lived for two or three days. I remember feeding Goldie and then using a spoon to stir her round and round and round in her fish bowl! Watching her spin around in the whirlpool I created never got old. I can only imagine how miserable life was for my Goldie. Honestly, it was probably a relief for her when she passed on.
There was just one last thing I was curious about - how had Theo managed “to pet” his own Goldie? I overheard him telling Coco about Goldie’s slippery skin and how he missed petting her. Oh dear! But, in the end, considering Seashell and Violet went the same way, I think we can rest assured it was not Theo’s fault.
Have you had fish die on you? Any secrets or insights to share? Please let me know in the comments below.
I’m baaaack (again!) and thank you for coming back, too. Life this school year has been completely insane. But, reprieve is near. With our local school district making huge, devastating cuts, J and I were both impacted. It’s going to mean a lot less money for us next year, but it also is going to mean a hell of a lot more time and you know what? I honestly, truly, 100% am so grateful for these upcoming changes. I’ve always been a person who says she values time over money, and it turns out I wasn’t blowing smoke! So, here’s to more time, more blogging, more podcasting. Yes! I’m so ready. (I wrote more about it here if you want to see.)
And here are some links for you and your weekend:
I bought these Birkenstocks (above) on Amazon and then freaked out when a friend shared this blog with me for spotting fakes! Nordstrom or Birkenstock direct from now on. Thankfully, mine are real!
Have you seen this coffee chart? I’m a 4C. When Starbucks drive-thru gives me 4B, I get so mad. I really do. But I’m super nice if I ask them to remake it. I swear.
Horrifying! I’ve spent the last 20 years trying to block these from my memory. ;)
This video cracked me up!
How delicious!
LOL. Also, not funny at all.
Can you drive a stick shift? (I learned on one!)
My new favorite face cleanser. It smells amazing.
I hope your weekend is amazing and filled with delights. See you back here next week!
(Photo via Pinterest)
A huge trend I’m noticing this spring is mixing patterns. Have you seen it around, or in catalogues and stores? I first saw it in Boden, then I noticed on the mannequins in Nordstrom that ModCloth was doing a ton of pattern mixing, and then J.Crew, too!
I’m not sure how I feel about pattern mixing. I am in love with this polka dot top from J.Crew (especially in white!), but I am so not crazy about pairing it with the dotted skirt in a different shade of blue. I mean, if pattern mixing means that we can feel less pressure to have our outfits match, I’m all for it. But, I’m not sure I would actually do it. It’s like modern art. What makes a good (mis?)match when mixing patterns? When is it actually just ugly?! LOL.
Please enlighten me, here. Are you mixing patterns? Have you always done so? Are you excited to now be able to get dressed in the dark and not worry about the results? Or is this a trend that you’re going to stay away from? All I know is that I’m ordering that top from J.Crew right now. Chime in with your thoughts in the comments below!
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