Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Zurich Plans

Our trip to Zurich is just 9 days away. I honestly thought I would be more excited than I am about going, but I feel conflicted. I can't help but run down the list of possible outcomes in my mind. The idea, after all, is to go to Zurich and come back with a sense of closure. Then, I can leave all that behind me, fix my gaze straight ahead and move forward in establishing a full, rooted, permanent life in Spokane. Perhaps it will help that we'll be in Zurich when the weather is cold and grey and nasty?

Deep down, I know that doesn't matter.  The fact that we were always out and about regardless of the weather is one of the things I miss most about Zurich. Just this past weekend, someone was telling me to make sure and walk to the parks here in Spokane while we can because soon it will be too cold. But all it made me think was that I need to remember to pack baby scarves and get Theo a pair of rain pants so we can take advantage of the parks in Zurich while we're there. In the same conversation, this person asked if I have been making friends or finding mama groups to join. I have not. Until we know, absolutely 100% sure, that this is where we are going to stay long term and raise our children and put down permanent roots, I'm not doing any of that. When we left Zurich, we didn't fully appreciate that we had put down roots there. It was so painful to leave our home, our apartment, our lifestyle and those meaningful friendships. I simply cannot go through that again. Beyond this darling house of ours here in Spokane, (which I absolutely love, but that we will grow out of in two years anyway,) I am not interested in establishing any attachments just yet.

That's why this trip is so important. I'm not convinced we are done with Switzerland. But I can't be sure it's right to go back until I've been there as the person I am now. We have grown and changed so much since we left. Nothing is the same. So I suppose it's only natural to feel a bit of trepidation at going. But, we are moving onward. This is the first step.

Photo via Style Me Pretty

5 comments:

  1. Hi Lindsey,

    I hope this trip gives you clarity/closure! We visit Switzerland a couple of times a year and always drive by Zurich on our way to Davos. My inlaws are selling their vacation home this year. So sad! I'm dutch and our mindset is probably the same. Living in the US seems so different. Two years ago we moved from amsterdam to a smaller dutch town and I had a very hard time adjusting. We moved again to a medium sized city and this starts to feel as home. It's horrible to feel detached from your surroundings and be homesick. I hope your trip helps! Good luck! X Joan

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    1. Thank you so much, Joan! I'm more and more nervous as our departure draws nearer. This is definitely not the average visit...but I'm so happy to be that much closer to clarity and having a good plan forward. It also helps to hear your experience of moving twice and finally feeling better. Thank you for the sweet note and reaching out! xoxo

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  2. I just stumbled across your bog via Cup of Jo and love it! I've surfed around briefly and have to ask....is there a post on why you left Zurich? I was hoping to catch up and follow your blog now :)

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    1. Thank you for your lovely comment, Courtney! It totally made my morning. Why did we leave Zurich? We are still trying to answer that question ourselves. Sob! We really thought that the Minnesota thing was going to be a huge bump up in our careers - one that made moving while pregnant and leaving our beloved Zurich worth it in the long run. But, it was not the case. We were definitely misled and felt very much taken advantage of. So here we are. Day to day, I'm actually really quite happy. Coco and Theo keep me focused on what's important. :)

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  3. Hi Lindsey, I came across your blog as I was looking at cloth diapers of all things. I was excited to see you lived in Zurich, but then realised you had moved away :( Your story has some equivalents to events which occurred in my life, a job opportunity came up, which I thought was a great advancement in my career, turned out it was an office full of sharks, I was stressed to the max, and in the end they made me redundant. Perhaps I just wasnt a good fit there, but now I am trying to find my feet again. I wish you all the best of luck with your future, and hope you find your roots again soon! Edele

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