I have officially been pregnant or breastfeeding (or both!) for six solid years. Tomorrow, January 13th is the actual day that, six years ago, I took a pregnancy test at 5 in the morning, still warm from my bed and jet lagged in our little tiny apartment in Adliswil. We had just gotten back following a trip to Spokane for Christmas and I wanted a baby so badly I could hardly see straight. I had woken up and just knew that I was pregnant before I had even opened my eyes. So I jumped out of bed, grabbed a pregnancy test and within seconds, we saw two pink lines. Oh, the joy and wonder that followed.
Six years. Two babies. Two continents. Four homes. All of it either pregnant, or breastfeeding, or both.
Weaning Theo has me all emotional. We actually started weaning back in October, but now we're nearly there. I'm not even sure that I'm producing any significant amount of milk, or if it has just been mainly comfort for him the past few days, but I can feel that it's different somehow. We're down to once a day, before bed. On the one hand, we need to be done. Theo's forgetting how to latch and he approaches it like a straw. On the other hand, I'm going to miss snuggling up with him and hearing him ask for "nay" (his word for nurse). I'll miss the way he holds onto my hair, or strokes my arm or face while he nurses. It's the most loving, tender time we share and I hate to think of it being over. But then he starts doing this weird thing that isn't quite biting, but sort of feels like chewing or grinding and I just want to scream!
So it's time. I know that. And yet, it's hard because it feels like the end of an era. It is the end of an era! As a new mom, you hear again and again that it goes so fast. And then, in the blink of an eye, you see what all those people were getting at. My babies are no longer babies. They'll never be babies again. And I really don't know if we'll have another baby. This might just be it. What a lot to say goodbye to.
I never had to wean Coco. It happened naturally because I was pregnant with Theo. After the first trimester, my milk stopped producing and neither of us had a choice in the matter. But this time is different. It's harder. And knowing there is no new baby on the way to nurse and hold onto makes it harder, too.
I'm getting more and more ready. Time is flying. Spring is actually right around the corner. The days are gradually getting longer even though the temperatures are positively frigid. I have some travel coming up in February without the kids and J and I'm mentally preparing myself that that trip will mark the end of "nay." I think I'm almost there.
If I'm perfectly honest, I'm ready to see what's in store for us after "nay." We know we'll be moving out of our sweet little house and current school district ahead of Coco's starting kindergarten. This sweet tender time, "The Time of 'Nay,'" while it has been good and wonderful, is reaching the end of its line. Nothing lasts forever. I have this incredible feeling, very similar to the way I felt right before I met J, that we're on the edge of something even more beautiful. So I'll just have to let go and allow it to happen. Onward and upward!
How did you wean your baby or toddler? Was it hard for you, or were you relieved to be done? I would love to hear all about it. xo