Yesterday morning, we were rushing out the door and I was doing all the usual things I do to get Coco going. I reminded her over and over again to put on her shoes and coat while I zipped back and forth between the kitchen, bathroom, thermostat and coat closet, getting everything in order and ready to leave. Keys in pocket, check. Shoes on, check. Jacket on, check. Coco's lunch, check. Shoes and jackets on kids, check. Okay, let's go! I made sure Coco had her lunch box in hand, then we all shuffled out the back door. I gave Coco yet another reminder to get a move on and then I turned around to see her completely stationary, not moving at all, squatting down examining some bug or leaf on the ground!
In that moment, I couldn't even get frustrated, or mad or angry. I just deflated in the best way possible. I exhaled and looked at her. I really looked at her and saw a innocent, sweet, inquisitive child who has no idea what it means to be late. And then I sort of gave up in the best way possible. I didn't rush her. I waited patiently, and helped Theo down the steps and we made it to the car and got off to school eventually.
A strange trend is emerging in which Coco stays in her own bed all night long. And while I'm thankful for the increase in sleep, I realize that it's finally actually happening, that thing I spent the past three years wishing for and so sure that I wanted. Now this overpowering ambivalent feeling is twisting me in two directions at once. I long to hold onto the little girl she is and I'm relieved to see her growing up. I'm simultaneously proud of her and aching for her to stay little. She is growing up so much faster than I can possibly handle. This morning, when she had come into our bed and I woke up with her nuzzled up to me, I smiled and marveled at how beautiful she is when she's sleeping. In that moment, I realized there is nothing else to do but slow down, be present, and enjoy her.
Then, because the universe works that way, I saw the Clear Mind, Present Mama Challenge from Alexandra Hughes, a mama of three and life coach, in a friend's Facebook feed. I signed up just now and I am so excited. The program starts Monday, March 7th and runs for seven days. You get a podcast and exercises to complete each day with the idea that you'll be more present, clear headed and ditch the overwhelm. Too perfect, right?! I can't wait. Head on over to sign up here.
How do you hold onto the fleeting mama moments? Are you clear-headed since having children, or a total hot mess like yours truly?
Also, Mom's One-Line-a-Day Memory Journal, in case you missed it! xo