Let's talk about mom jeans for a minute...

A few months ago I was at the Nordstrom Rack attempting to shop while pushing the stroller with a screaming Theo inside. It was futile at best and as I frantically scanned the store at light speed for black pants I needed for work, I just happened to be walking past a table of very reasonably priced 7 for All Mankind black jeans. I grabbed a pair, bought them and told myself I would try them on later at home. For a couple of weeks, they sat in the cargo space of the back of the car because buying jeans has become something I really dread ever since pushing out 9 pound 10 ounce Theo. Eeeks! Whatever happened during that birth, I just can't seem to find a pair of jeans that makes me feel good anymore.

Finally, I tried the jeans on, mostly because I was running late for work and my other pair of work pants needed to be washed. It was a fluke, really, that they happened to be high-rise and ankle-length. I pulled them on, buttoned and zipped them up in front of our full-length mirror and gasped out loud! They're honestly the best pair of jeans I've ever had. They fit well, look good and feel amazing. No bunching, cutting, pinching or riding up ever.

Naturally, from that day forward I made it my quest in life to find the exact same jeans, but in regular dark-wash denim. However as with all things wonderful, they've proven to be quite elusive. So, I went ahead and ordered the same style of jean in regular-rise. Can't make that much of a difference, right? Wrong.


I tried them on and wore them on a couple of errands for an hour and they were all wrong. Saggy in the calves, cutting into my hip bones, and pinching in the rear. Ugh. Let me just say that I will never wear a pair of non-high-rise jeans again. I've officially gone mom jeans and I'm never going back! What is it that's so great about the mom jean? Well, it's like having a built-in girdle in your jeans! You pull them up, button them right across your belly button, and zzzzzzzip! Everything is all tucked in and supported. On the other hand, as you can see in the photo above, normal-rise jeans just leave you hanging. And when I say "you," I of course really mean my mom gut. They leave my mom gut hanging out for all to see - and it is not pretty.

So I'm returning the regular-rise jeans and ordering up a pair of the Madewells in the top photo ASAP. I'm done with the years I spent hanging onto pre-Coco jeans, cords and other pants. I have clung for so long to the delusion that they will someday fit again. And guess what?! They will not. Even if I were to get back to my pre-Coco weight as a number, I can feel that my body has changed structurally since Theo was born. Things shifted and settled back into different places and I am ready to accept my new body. So that's just what I'm going to do.

But can we just take a moment and recognize how fortunate we are to live at the precise moment in the ever-changing cycle of fashion when high-rise jeans are actually in style? Wowza. That is truly a beautiful gift, indeed. I'm curious, how has your body changed as a mom, or just as you've aged and become more womanly? Do you wear mom jeans, too?

We got just a little bit of snow today. This morning, it was a light dusting and by mid-morning, it was dumping. This photo was at 3 o'clock when Theo and I went to pick Coco up from school. It was crazy! I was happy to get outside after being so sick I hadn't left the house since Tuesday. Ugh. And now I'm healthy and ready for the weekend and Christmas prep.

I've sat down to write a number of times over the past few weeks. I really do want to get back to the blog, but I just haven't been able to find the words. So much has happened in the past few months and I'm still trying to make sense of it all. I know it would be helpful to do that here, with all of you kindred souls, but I've hesitated, a lot because I worry that if my family members read my blog (I'm not actually sure that they do) that they might be offended or saddened by my feelings of disappointment and regret that we are still in Spokane this year. It has nothing to do with them, of course. I love them. They're the reason I came here. But when things fell through and we wound up still being here at the end of last summer, as much as I hoped that a different neighborhood and fantastic school for Coco and better situation all around would change things, they just didn't. My desire to return to life abroad hasn't changed. I don't really know what else to say. And yet I have a lot to say about it. Repatriation is so ignored in the realm of expat literature, blogs and advice. It's ridiculous because coming back is a million times harder than leaving.

I'll leave it there, but I hope I can find a way to start exploring some repatriation themes here. I know I'm not alone and I know it would be helpful to others to know that they're not alone, either.

But that is all for another day. Without further ado, here are a few links for your weekend:

I've had this song on repeat for weeks.

THE GRAND CANYON. (Ha!)

The Bad American Habits I Kicked in Finland.

Coco's getting this retro toy for Christmas.

10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Giving Up on Your Dream.

Decluttering tips from a pro organizer.

Better interview questions.

Cat Person, deconstructed. (And Cat Person in case you haven't read it yet;)

Yes, France. This is so important.

LOL.

And bravo, Alabama! What We Learned from Watching Doug Jones Beat A Predator. This article is excellent.

I hope your weekend is cozy, wintry and full of Hygge. Unless you're somewhere warm. Then I don't know what to tell you! ;) See you back here Monday, I hope! xo

The last couple of months have been a lot to process. I sort of touched on everything here, but wasn't ready to talk about it or even close to having a level of understanding or comprehension on how I felt about it until pretty recently. But here I am, sitting in our little breakfast-nook-turned-office/extra-kitchen-space with a cup of coffee in my Oregon mug, feeling pretty (what's the word?) present.

I feel present.

Last night as I was getting the kids ready for bed, I had a moment where I thought to myself, Wow. This is nice. Things are so uncomplicated. The kids are home, we have this family nest thing going on. In a few years, they'll be going off to sleepovers and never home and only wanting to be out with their friends, and then off to college! I'm so happy to be here right now.

I guess that through all of the upheaval and chaos of having an international move in the works and then having that plan completely fall through, I have come to realize, more than ever, that all we can do in life is focus on what really matters and do our best to prioritize in such a way that each day we are living our values. When I say I'm happy to be here, it has nothing to do with my physical location. I am happy to be in this stage of my life, with Coco and Theo in their infinite adorableness and with J, who is so loving and encouraging. Sure, parenting young children is exhausting and demanding, and marriage and domestic life require a lot of work. But if we focus on the negatives, we miss out on all the goodness.

So I'm just really happy to be here right now. In the coming years, things will certainly change. That we can count on. Our children will grow and change, our careers will evolve, more likely than not we will move overseas and become expats again. Up until this point in my life, I've been all about getting out there, taking the bull by the horns, making it happen. Not anymore. It will all come. I'm going to enjoy where I'm at and be patient while it does.

Lately I'm experiencing a weird mix of emotions. On the one hand, I'm sad not to be going back to Europe, and to the European lifestyle that I loved so dearly, and which made me so much healthier and fitter than I am at present. But on the other hand, I feel like we've won the Spokane lottery. It's so exciting to have Coco going to our neighborhood school and equally exciting that we found such a perfect little house in the exact neighborhood we had our hearts set on all those years ago back in Zurich when we imagined eventually winding up in Spokane. The life we find ourselves in right now is exactly the life I had envisioned for us as Coco started kindergarten. So even though repatriating has been harder, more painful and more difficult that literally anything else I've ever done in my life, I feel a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Maybe this was how it was meant to turn out all along.

If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you may have noticed my preoccupation with laundry. Or maybe I've done a good job of hiding it? Either way, for the last two years, laundry has been a major source of stress, anxiety and general dissatisfaction for me. Our last little house was so cute, so comfortable and so wonderful in so many ways. But it had one major drawback: basement apartment. The entire time we lived there, we had neighbors underneath us and although the split was done well and we had separate entrances that were on opposite sides of the house, it was way too close for comfort. The worst part by far was the shared laundry. We dealt with gag-inducing smells, general laundry machine abuse and, the worst by far, poo being put through the washer and dryer - multiple times! It makes me cringe to even recall the horror.

Initially, when I saw that our new house had washer and dryer hookups, but didn't come with machines, I was a little bit disappointed. But then I realized that that meant no more dealing with machines that run, but don't actually work due to being overloaded or otherwise destroyed by the carelessness of others! And it also occurred to me that I would get to buy my very own, brand new, sparkly, clean, pristine washer and dryer - with a wool cycle! - and life would never be disgusting or smelly or nasty again. At least on the laundry front.

So, despite the recommendations from others to get used machines on Craigslist or go to the laundromat once a week, I am diving headfirst into comparing, price checking and obsessing over washers and dryers. So far my list of musts: Wool cycle (already said that;), front loader (because yeah), white exteriors, matching set, sanitary or allergy cycle, and water and electricity saving. Do you have a washer and dryer you love or hate? Tell me all about it!

(Photo via tankaromhus/Instagram)

It did not land in the garden, but became wedged between two non-opening windows.

and

"And we've already got the most difficult stuff out of the way first."

Truly laughing out loud! Have you seen anything funny lately? Please share in the comments below. I need another good laugh. xo

(Alfred Eisenstaedt photo via Sotheby's)

But that's because we talk about eclipses in terms of percentages of darkness. The news will say that it's going to be 93% eclipsed and our minds jump to the conclusion that a 93% eclipse somehow equates to 93% dark and that seems pretty darn dark. But that is not what it's saying at all. 93% eclipsed really means 7% sun exposed. And the sun is so awesome and powerful that just 7% of its force can light up the world.

Just think of that. 7%. If my phone is at 7% it's basically dead. If the battery is at 93%, it's practically fully charged. If we score a 7% on a test, it's a colossal failure, but a 93% on a test is a solid A. 7% is insignificant, feeble at best, just barely a hair above nothing.

But the sun is phenomenal. It is truly awesome and all powerful.

7% of the sun is broad daylight even though it seems that 93% darkness should be very, very, very dark. It's not.


The eclipse honestly made it so that I wasn't too fussed over our plans to go overseas falling through. Really. I have wanted to see a total solar eclipse my entire life and it did not, by any measure, disappoint. In fact, all at once it inspired, energized and terrified me. It shook me straight to my core and I can safely say that I have never experienced anything quite so extraordinary in my life. The only words I could find to describe it were "deeply unsettling" because I felt jumbled, upset, changed and forever altered afterward. It took me days and days to even process what I had seen and felt and witnessed. It was truly phenomenal.



Probably the tone of my voice in the video below sums it up the best. I should be embarrassed to share this because I sound so shrill and crazy, but whatever. An eclipse will do that to you. As the darkness closed in, I felt an incredible jolt of fear. Coco was out in the field at J's parents' house climbing a tree and I yelled for him to get her and I went to grab Theo, who was poking around by the back door. I got the glasses on Theo so he could see the last crescent of sunlight gobbled up and then the darkness came so suddenly it was terrifying. Up until the actual totality snapped into place, it wasn't dark, it was just dim, like wearing very dark Ray-Bans, but not darkness. I trimmed our full video to make this one minute clip and I love Theo's face at the beginning and his total astonishment as he takes off the glasses. 



About 20 seconds in, it goes dark because all I could do was toss the phone down on the table and freak out. I looked over to see J jumping up and down and I was so overwhelmed with pure emotion and sheer feeling, I had to scream. I let out a woo-hoo and then immediately became aware of how totally silent everything was all around; every animal, every plant, everything seemed silent. At the end of this clip, I love how Coco, very excited and urgent, clearly remembering she wasn't supposed to be looking straight at the sun, asks for a pair of glasses!


I tried so hard to take it all in and take notice of everything, the drop in temperature, the 360 degree sunset effect, the stars coming out, the way the birds all flew away and hid and the streetlights came on and the wind picked up. But it was too much. It was such a completely sensory experience in every possible way that it was just too much to even take in. My video turned out pretty well considering I just held the phone and didn't actually pay attention to where it was pointing. I just stared up and around and up and marveled and somehow the video pointed there most of the time, too. And there was enough light for the video. The ring of light from the corona is so glittering and radiant as to cast a shadowy glow upon the earth and not leave us in total darkness. Though it was dark. It was amazingly dark. But wow. The halo of pure heat and energy around the sun is that potent. It simply blew my mind.


At the very end of the eclipse, as the moon slid off of the sun and let that first ray of light out again, daytime returned almost instantly. Immediately we had to put the glasses back on and the kids were spellbound and euphoric. Theo shouted, "I love it! AGAIN! It's morning time?!" and Coco donned the eclipse glasses and beamed at the reverse crescent of sun. The world was light again. Everything had gone back to normal, and absolutely nothing felt the same.

Nobody ever told me to follow my wildest dreams, to bushwhack my own path. Standardized tests told me I was good at whatever I focused on, but Nobody asked me what makes me come alive.
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Instead I was handed the most dangerous road map of all. From the outside it appeared safe. But three years in, I realized it was slow death by stagnation. A 9-5 in the real estate industry. Advertising deadlines. Business casual clothes. Sitting down all day. Living for the weekend and suppressing my discontent with sugar and alcohol.
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It’s easy to blame external influences but the truth is that Nobody is needed to validate our wildest dreams. Launching is a process of Self.

Sunday we're going to a baseball game to celebrate father's day. And here is a bit of weekend reading for you:

Parenting mistakes we should try to avoid.

What a discovery!

A friend's pregnancy.

Health care is on the line. Now is not the time "to cling to an overly cautious, centrist ideology."

The sweetest playroom storage.

Words cannot describe the love.

Instead of goal-setting, try fear-setting instead.

I'm obsessed with this bright copper kettle.

This essay made me laugh and cry. Too good.

And, a few from the archives. Do you like your name? The transition from co-sleeping to a crib. and Remembering My Dad.

I hope you have a fantastic father's day. A special hug to all of you who have also lost your fathers. You're not alone. See you back here Monday! xo

(Photo via Emily King & Corey Smith/Instagram)

The photo above was taken while riding my bike Tuesday. We went with Coco and Theo over to Chatcolet, Idaho and did our very favorite bike ride for the first time this season. It really feels like summer is here now. It was a perfectly gorgeous day and the lake was so beautiful. Long live summer! This weekend is going be busy, busy, busy with my nephew's high school graduation and parties and celebrating. I cannot believe that little baby is already graduating. It definitely makes me want to hug Coco and Theo an extra hundred times per day!

And here are some fun links and a little weekend reading for you.

When you have a toddler and your house is a literal treasure.

This toy had ALL THE KIDS OBSESSED at a birthday party we went to last weekend. Coco is still talking about it.

Stop complaining about how you need more space.

Why you need an early night. So good.

Not a football player, not a weightlifter, but a dancer. This is my kind of hero! (Made me think of this post;)

Travel goals. (!!!)

The toy-free kindergarten.

Yikes.

Instead of relying on the iPad so much, we're getting Coco a few of these for our summer road trips.

Super excited to listen to this new podcast. Especially after this trip.

And finally, this incredible event is taking place this weekend in honor of my college friend and sorority sister Jen. Sending her family so much love. And if you'd like to make a donation, you can do so through the event website right here.

I hope you have a fantastic weekend. Wear sunscreen! And see you back here Monday. xo

We had about a gazillion children present at our wedding. I think in the photo above, I had just finished telling the hoards of children that they would have to wait until the speeches were finished before descending upon the cupcakes. Honestly, there were kids there I didn't even know! But I didn't mind.

In fact, I thought it was really weird when people had weddings and/or receptions that were child-free. But then something happened...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what a slippery slope TV is. A few Saturdays ago, we ended up letting Coco watch My Little Pony on Netflix autoplay for like two hours. She had woken up at 5 am for some inexplicable reason and we really needed some more sleep. It seemed like an okay idea at the time.

It's mildly disturbing, but...

June is here and another week has flown by! Time is going so quickly it's making my head spin. Thank you to those of you who recommended Catastrophe on this post. J and I finished season three last night and it's probably one of our favorite shows ever. Now it seems like we have tons of TV to watch. House of Cards is back on. Bloodline released a new season and we've only watched two of the new season of Master of None. When it rains it pours!

Here are some fun links and a bit of weekend reading for you:

International exchange students' view on American high schools.

Eyeing these for Theo this summer.

Flip it over. Perspective is everything!

I can't say I disagree here.

What would you do with a Paris ghost metro station?

LOL!

A really thoughtful article exploring the #vanlife phenomenon.

I received this perfume as a gift and I find myself wearing it every day. J LOVES it!

Save the teachers.

Advice on aging from women who've done it.

And a couple from the archives: Learning To Be On Time, and Our Bird Feeder.

I hope you have an amazing weekend! See you back here on Monday. xo

I've known for years that I'm a perfectionist. It's probably the reason I don't enjoy cooking with my kids, and I'm more or less okay with that! But lately, I'm getting better at seeing the ways it holds me back.

Parenting is so damn hard. It's really easy to get caught up in the aesthetics of parenting: Having the right stroller and posting photos of their cheerful, tidy room on Instagram. Those things are fun, and baby and kids' stuff is so cute! But parenting is not about any of those things. Unless you're impoverished and struggling with basic securities like rent and putting food on the table, then your main risk factor as a parent is far from not providing enough and actually very simple.

But don't let the word simple mislead you. Simple simply means "not complicated." And if something is uncomplicated that does not necessarily mean it is achieved without effort. Simple does not equal easy.

So what am I getting at here? What's not easy? Victoria Prooday, Occupational Therapist, described it as "The silent tragedy affecting today's children" in her recent viral blog post. She starts out by highlighting the alarming rate of childhood mental health issues, increases in ADHD, teen depression, and the sharp rise of teen suicide. These are very scary, very real problems. And yet none of them is the result of deprivation or poverty. We're simply parenting wrong. She writes:

Today’s children are being deprived of the fundamentals of a healthy childhood, such as:
Emotionally available parents; Clearly defined limits and guidance; Responsibilities; Balanced nutrition and adequate sleep; Movement and outdoors; Creative play, social interaction, opportunities for unstructured times; and Boredom. 

In many ways, how can you blame us? We rush from work to school pick up, to sports, to the grocery store (where the kids are given a lollipop), back home, and then we have 45 minutes to make dinner, 15 minutes to eat and then it's time for bath and bed and we get up and do it all over again. The result is that provided-for, non-impoverished children's lives are fully furnished, but completely lacking. Prooday goes on:

Instead, children are being served with: Digitally distracted parents; Indulgent parents who let kids “Rule the world”; Sense of entitlement rather than responsibility; Inadequate sleep and unbalanced nutrition; Sedentary indoor lifestyle; Endless stimulation, technological babysitters, instant gratification; and Absence of dull moments.

I think most American parents are stretched very thin. They love their kids and they are doing the very best with what they have. But it is completely inadequate and totally unacceptable. We are not giving our kids what they need and it shows. In the work I do with kids of all ages, from kindergarten through high school, and in the behavior I see in my own kids, we have got to do a better job. But how? Despite the fantastic recommendations Prooday offers in her full post, I do feel that the time and energy constraints are a real obstacle. Proper parenting and the setting of limits is a practice that takes time, energy, and patience, none of which I have at the end of the day when I'm reunited with my children.

Do you feel that you're giving your children the fundamentals of a healthy childhood as outlined above? Or are you a digitally distracted parent? Please share your successes and failures, or maybe even just a moan in the comments below. I'll admit that Coco and Theo have discovered how to work together to get what they want and they're kind of playing J and I like a fiddle lately. A very tired, out of tune, defeated fiddle. We're Montessori teachers for goodness sake! You'd think we'd be immune to such tactics. But no. Modern American life feels so hectic and busy, it's almost like there isn't even a space for children to fit at all. This is one big problem that isn't going away. Thoughts?

(Photo of Oeuf bunk beds (I am ashamed to admit that I want these for Coco and Theo;) via My Little Room)

We've done a bit of experimenting and discovered that telling the number of "sleeps" is actually quite helpful. I never understood why parents talked in terms of "sleeps" until having my own walking, talking and confused children. Going to sleep over and over again is something young children can grasp and understand quite well. It seems to be okay to mention plans a day or two in advance as well. Even thought it isn't happening right then, it's soon and they can wrap their heads around tomorrow (Theo) or even the day after tomorrow (Coco). But next week is too far away to tell them about something.

Montessori recognized different Planes of Development. The First Plane is from birth until 6 years of age, the second from 6 until 12 years of age. She has a wonderful quote that captures perfectly why children under the age of six have such a hard time with time: "The first plane child wants to wrap their hand around the world, the second plane child wants to wrap their head around the world." Children up until six years of age are really only concerned with what they are experiencing in that moment. In other words, right now. They're interested in what they can see, hear, touch and feel at any given moment. They are totally and completely present at all times. For them, all that exists is right now.

So I really try to stop telling our kids about plans in the non-existent-to-them future. And I also avoid imposing future consequences. Children rarely understand the offense or the consequence outside of the present moment. So saying there will be no tv tomorrow really doesn't do anything but confuse them.

What do you think? Are your children able to understand the idea of the future? At what age did it get easier for them? How do you discuss upcoming plans?

(Photo of Coco in the Columbia Gorge)

J's parents are coming up from Oregon tomorrow for Coco's big ballet recital on Monday night. It's at the Fox Theater, which is so amazingly gorgeous, and then afterward we're having a big shrimp boil out on our patio, courtesy of my Uncle Cyrus. Sunday night is all about the s'mores with the grandparents. It's going to be a busy one!

And here are a few links and a bit of weekend reading for you:

How to be a better iPhone photographer, according to Apple.

Can't wait to wear this jaunty tee all summer long.

Brava! So much honesty and candor.

J and I are really into this (new to us) podcast. (The Trumpland episodes are blowing my mind. Eeek.)

Get me a pedicure before these beauties arrive!

Wouldn't you love to do this for ten minutes every day?

Rolling on the floor laughing.

I'm pretty sure this takes predictable routines for kids too far. ;)

Seriously, can you find anything new in this smart cleaning advice?! (Oh wait, that bit about the sheets is kind of eye opening.)

Finally ordered this book upon Coco asking for it daily for many days in a row!

And from the archives: One thing I loved about Switzerland and still my favorite breakfast.

I hope your weekend is top-notch! See you all back here Monday. xo

(Ranunculus photo via Pinterest)

How was your week? Tuesday afternoon, Coco came down with a fever and I spent Wednesday and Thursday at home with a very sick little bunny. She had a headache. "Mama, my forehead hurts!" And a sore throat. "If I do this (swallows several times, with visible effort) it really hurts." And maybe some sinus pressure. On the way to the bathroom: "When I step too hard, it really hurts in my head." But she was a total trooper and it was nice to spend a day on the couch with her. Such a sweetie.

Today was the Mother's Tea at Coco's Montessori school. I made this incredible and oh-so-easy salad and it was a total hit! But, Thursday while I was home with Coco, I somehow managed to burn an entire baking sheet of tomatoes to a veritable crisp while roasting them. That is not an easy feat! So I started over and roasted these mini heirlooms and they were just delicious.

Now, I feel a bit of a sore throat myself. Ugh. But here's a bit of what I've been reading and checking out lately:

Following your dreams is actually about saying no.

What is going on here, exactly?

Make your baby feel loved.

Excellent explanation of what repatriation feels like.

The Swiss National Bank is rolling out a beautiful new banknote series.

This is so true.

The most flattering, comfortable yet still pretty everyday bra.

Made me giggle with glee.

Have you tried the two minute facial? I'm obsessed!

Forget building self-esteem and do this. It works.

Wishing everyone a Happy Mother's Day, especially to those of you who have lost your mom, or can't have a baby, or have lost a child. You are not forgotten. I'm excited for brunch and mimosas on Sunday and I'll see you back here Monday! xo

Very small children are all about predictability and knowing what comes next, which is why they respond so well to routines. It's also why they respond to a lack of routine quite horribly. The problem is, of course, that we do things each week, or at least each month, that fall out of our predictable routines and that's when we all need the debrief.

When I was teaching, I employed the debrief often. Before Creative Movement class, which only happened every few weeks, we would debrief. Before any sort of holiday gathering or inviting observers or visitors into the classroom, we would debrief. Before going out on the playground after the first Oregon rainy day, debrief. It was upsetting to the children that everything was wet and squishy. They needed a heads up.

Simple things to which we are accustomed are happening to children for the very first time. Before Creative Movement, we'd all gather in a circle and I would explain plainly and somewhat slowly what was about to happen. They enjoyed the suspense and intrigue of being told what would happen. They would not have enjoyed the jolt and surprise of just going without the debrief. I looked around the circle at their little eyes. "Today, we are going to Creative Movement" I would say. "Very soon, I will call your names one by one to line up by the outside door. Miss Joan will be waiting for us in the covered area and everyone will participate and have a nice time." Pause. "Can anyone tell me something they remember or like about Creative Movement?" After no more than three comments, I would announce the first person to line up and then get them on their way. Whereas they might be frantic and worried about where I was leading them outside, not during recess time (!) they would walk calmly and without resistance to Creative Movement. They would then participate and have a nice time. So handy!

A few weeks ago, J took Coco and Theo to Target because he needed to buy some thank you cards. This was most certainly outside of their predictable routine. They go to Target with me often enough, but almost never with J. Whereas I have some ground rules and routines for Target visits, J just thought he could take them in there, grab some cards and get out. Ha. Hahahahahahahaha! Of course all hell broke loose when Coco spotted some toy she wanted.

Normally, I make them both sit in the cart (Theo in the seat and Coco in the actual cart) and allow them to each pick a toy to have with them whilst we wheel about. J did not know this, of course, and told Coco no to the toy. Coco, not being one to take no for an answer, proceeded to have the worst tantrum of her life, complete with clawing at his face and screaming blood curdling screams in the middle of Target.* By the time we'd had a glass of wine and he was telling me about it while they slept in their beds later that evening, he was able to laugh about it (bravo, J!) but he said in the moment, it was extremely trying and embarrassing. Um, yeah.

I explained to him that he needed the debrief. Rather than just cruising on into Target, he needed to park the car and then turn around and look into their sweet eyes and explain what was going to happen before going in. Lay down a simple code of conduct. "You're going to both sit in the cart while I push" Explain what you're going to get and why. "I need to get some thank you cards for my co-workers. You can help me pick out some nice ones!" Then, allow them to ask questions. "Can we have a toy in the cart? Mama always lets us have a toy." Coco would definitely explain this one in her super detailed way, "We go to the toys and mama lets us point to a toy and pick that one to have in the cart with us. And after a little while, we trade and Theo looks at my toy and I look at his. And we don't buy them. Andt the end, we put them away before we go." She's very verbal. And tenacious.

After days and days of begging and pestering and constant asking, I finally took Coco back to Target to look at the coveted toy. I needed to buy a few other things, so she played with it in the cart. After five minutes or so, she said, "Can I get a new toy? This one's boring." Theo wasn't with us that day, so we swung by the toy department and switched it out for something else. Then I finished my shopping.  She probably would have gotten bored of it the day she was there with J, too. But it's good he held his ground anyway. Hopefully next time, it can be avoided.

Do you like surprises? Do your kids? How do you debrief or help things to run smoothly?

(Photo via The Mountain Laurel/Tumblr)

*She came down with a fever the next day;)

Today I had a really great day. It's funny, I couldn't even tell you why it was great really. I was tired AF from Theo keeping me up again, and he was still very cranky and demanding and made his trademark screeching sound a lot. That makes me want to scream. And yet, I had a great day. Go figure.

So, seeing as it was a great day, this seems like a fine time to rant about a few pet peeves I have. I wonder if we have the same pet peeves? Read on to find out.

#1 - Converse shoelaces.
Have you ever wondered why Converse shoelaces suck so bad? I have. So many times. They're impossibly slippery and never stay tied. I remember, as a child, thirty years ago, my mom double-knotting my Cons the way I double-knot my kids' now. Why, in thirty plus years have they not done something about this?! On their own website, they show the shoes untied. Preview of what's to come.

#2 - When people say, "It is what it is."
Argh. This one is so irritating. In the Bay Area, you're guaranteed to hear someone say this at least once an hour. It is almost always accompanied with a sigh of resignation or shoulder shrug, as if to say "it's hopeless" or "it's beyond anyone's control," rather than "it is what it is." Saying that something is what it is seems to give it a great amount of gravity. However that is not how this particular phrase is typically used. We don't go around quipping, "to be or not to be" because it carries weight. It has gravitas. But "it is what it is" just gets tossed around like nothing. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it. (Shrug) It is what it is! ;)
#3 - Overhead lighting.
Damn if I can't stand overhead light. It's glaring and harsh and over illuminates everything and creates horrible shadows that feel straight out of some David Lynch film nightmare. Our apartment in Zurich didn't have any overhead lights. Not a single one. Instead, each plug had one socket out of three that was connected to the light switch on the wall. It was amazing. Click the switch (they were buttons, not flippers like we have in North America) and all of the connected lights came on at once. Our current house has tons of overhead lights. One in every room. I refuse to use them and went to great lengths to place lamps near every door. But J loves the overhead lights when he's looking for something, or just whenever really. I've threatened to take the lightbulbs out. Cringe!

Tell me your pet peeves in the comments below. Do you share any in common with me?

(Photo via UO Orange County/Instagram)

I've been taking care of a very sick Theo for the past few days. We have spent a great deal of time on the couch together, just snuggling, or sitting together watching a movie, or napping together. Taking care of a sick child is really hard. They feel awful and don't quite understand why or that it's temporary and they're very very needy and demanding. So, I did something this week that I haven't when caring for sick children in the past. I took some time for myself. Saturday, Coco had a birthday party to go to. Normally, I would have had J take her so I could stay with Theo. But I left Theo in the capable hands of his dad and took Coco myself. It was nice to get out of the house and such a needed break. Sunday, I went to yoga, and again today I went to yoga. Theo and J are close and having him take care of him when he's sick only makes Theo's bond with J stronger. It's a win-win all around.

So, I have to ask what TV shows are you watching lately? We became total TV junkies after getting married and I love it. When we were newlyweds, we would get Chipotle and watch Desperate Housewives (HA!) every Sunday. That show was so bad it was good. I loved that weekly tradition. After becoming parents, J really did make everything so darn perfect for when Coco and I came home from the hospital. He stocked the fridge, cooked and cleaned for two solid weeks and made sure that I had a funny or compelling show to watch with a big cup of tea on the couch every night. The first series we got into was Weeds and I get all misty eyed now when I hear the theme song because it takes me back to those days holding newborn Coco on the couch and watching TV.

Back to the present, we like to have a few shows going at once. The most recent season of Homeland was incredible, as always, and thankfully we had Billions to keep watching on Sunday evenings when Homeland ended. However, now Billions is in it's season finale this coming weekend. No! I know that House of Cards starts up again at the end of the month. And I have to double-check the dates for Master of None and Bloodline. I would still love to hear what you recommend as it seems that most of our shows are kind of heavy and dramatic lately.

Speaking of. We've started watching the most terrifying, twisted, dark show I've ever been into. It's The Fall. Have you watched it? It's a Netflix original and so violent and creepy, I can't believe I actually like it. But it's all I can think about. The little details, the amazing acting by Gillian Anderson, the dynamic, human, flawed (sometimes very flawed!) characters. J does not like it. And on some level I don't either. It's that dark. But I really do love one aspect of the show so much. It does an incredible job of illustrating sexism and misogyny. Incredible! I love their social commentary. It's really thought provoking.

So tell me what you're watching! Especially if it's something funny or light-hearted. ;) And here's to Theo being back to his old self very soon! xo

(Photo via Elvira/Instagram)

J and I were talking about commute times today and it got me thinking about what it means to commute. Personally, I don't like a long commute that forces me to get up early and commit to covering a serious amount of ground every day. When we first graduated from college, J and I moved to LA for a few months. I always felt like it was a really stupid move, but now I see that it was actually awesome. I learned a whole lot about what I didn't want in life during those months. Among those things was a long commute. For a while I drove nearly an hour each way to work and it was a completely demoralizing and soul sucking experience.

Over the years, I have had walking commutes, including one that was veritably straight uphill and always resulted in my arriving at work hot and red in the cheeks. Another crossed over a small farm in which I would sometimes get held up in a traffic jam of sheep! I've had urban walking commutes (typically weather permitting) and public transit commutes, and of course, the standard car commute.

Probably the best commute of them all was when we were living in Northwest Portland and J and I commuted together. The drive was absolutely beautiful through the winding streets of Portland's forested West Hills. Some mornings, the sun filtered through the trees and sprinkled us with delight in our convertible. Most mornings, we had the top up and the heat on, surrounded by tall trees whose tops you couldn't see in the misty clouds and rain. While I don't favor a long commute, I also don't want a commute that's too short. In my mind, around 20 minutes is just perfect. It's long enough to drink a big cup of coffee and listen to the news and mentally change gears. While I was forced to give up my morning-news-in-the-car habit commuting with J, I did get to listen to his curated playlists each morning and do my makeup and drink coffee in the passenger seat. A year later, we wound up moving across the river and in the interest of time, usually wound up taking I-5 to work instead. But, sometimes, if we had some extra time or got up early, we would go across the Broadway Bridge and drive the old way, just because.

This week, J and I have been subbing at the same high school. Every morning, we pile the kids into the car and drop them off together and then chat while we finish our coffee the rest of the way. It's pretty darn cozy, I have to admit. So, tell me, what's your perfect commute? Are you a headphones on the bus or train kind of commuter? Do you not mind driving 45 minutes? Or do you even really think about it? I would love to hear. Please share in the comments below! xo

(Photo via Pinterest)

Namaste. Did you think that was me for a second? Bwahahahaha! So not me.

But, Sunday night I did go back to yoga after a six or seven month hiatus. In the grand scheme of things that is a very good thing. I'm crazy out of shape now that I no longer walk everywhere and I'm grumpy and disagreeable when I'm not getting regular exercise. But, the whole thing with yoga, as you very well may know, is that it is a practice and it's usually a good idea not to fall completely out of practice for an extended period of time. Hey, what can I say? I did. And the only thing to do was get back to it. So off I went on Sunday afternoon. Once I hit my mat, I was feeling so good and so inspired, I really did think that the mindfulness practice I've been doing thanks to the Breathe app on my Apple Watch had carried me through my lapse, no harm done. Ha. I was so wrong! In my inspiration and desire to look like this crazy yogi above, totally nailing an impossible contortionist pose, I yoga'ed so hard.

Word to the wise: Do not yoga so hard.

If you yoga so hard, you will hurt your neck like I did and it will not feel good. It's been a few days of neck pain now, so I've had plenty of time to contemplate what went so wrong when I yoga'ed so hard and it was this: you do not yoga hard, ever. In fact when you yoga well, it is the opposite of doing something hard. Yoga is the ultimate balancing act. Yoga is seeking to find that place where you can balance and feel your weight supported by the earth and then you relax into the posture and let it all go. What I did was the opposite. I seized those postures with all my might, which given my weak core following the carrying and delivery of gigantic Theo, happens to be my neck muscles. Ouch.

So I'm going to go back to yoga tomorrow, but for the Restore class. And then, over the weekend, I'll do my best to yoga so soft. I cannot and will not push myself into a pose beyond my limits. And I vow to seek balance and to focus on letting go. I think this soft approach is going to spill over nicely into the rest of my life, too. I really do.

Do you go to yoga? Do you ever find yourself wanting to yoga so hard? Please tell me I'm not the only one! ;) xx

PS - My favorite yoga pants, Analyzed Movements, and photo via Lululemon/Pinterest.

J introduced me to the Hidden Brain podcast last summer. Do you listen to it? It's always really interesting and deep and they're not afraid to ask big questions or tackle big topics. Last week they had an episode that was particularly engaging and really hit home for me. Its title: Schadenfacebook. As you might have guessed, it was all about the effects of Facebook and social media on our over all happiness and well-being.

The entire episode and all of the interviews were completely captivating and I found myself nodding along in agreement throughout. I promise I won't give anything away, but one segment toward the end completely crystallized this weird feeling I've had ever since we got back from Switzerland.  While I was in Switzerland, I felt like I was missing out on so much here in the US. In fact, I felt that way so strongly that it actually diminished my ability to be present there. But then I got back to the US and realized that everything I thought I was missing out on here was actually just happening online anyway. I have been trying for months to formulate a post about this, but it's surprisingly hard to articulate. What I was seeing from Switzerland on Facebook and social media wasn't any different from what I'm seeing from here. In other words, none of these things I thought I could be a part of if I were here are actually real. Our lives have become based online to such a degree that we feel isolated in our real, non-digital lives. It's at once fascinating and horrendous, and no wonder that so many of us feel lonely and unhappy.

I have to say that I'm infinitely happier since I left Facebook last fall. I go on occasionally to post on my Swiss Lark page or check on a particular friend, but that's it. Sometimes I find it fun to scroll a bit and see what's going on with people I know. But usually, I find it all so overwhelming that I get off of there as quickly as possible. I'm so much more peaceful and content for it. Are you still on Facebook? To what degree? Definitely give Schadenfacebook (Ep. 68) a listen. I'm so curious to hear what you think. Do you agree with the guests and findings? Does it apply to your own life and levels of fulfillment and happiness? Hurry back and let me know. (Speaking of online engagement;)

(Photo via Pinterest)